Camp Carole

Straight after going to church

Why she wants it Not her latent altar boy fetish coming through, it’s those hymns exercising her vocal chords. Manchester University researchers found the sacculus — an organ in the ear that’s connected to the part of the brain responsible for pleasure — is stimulated by low frequency, high intensity sounds such as singing. And according to them, it doesn’t matter how tuneless her — or your — singing is.

What to do Sing to her. “Stand behind her with your arms round her waist and sing with your mouth close to her ear and neck the vibration of your voice is incredibly erotic here,” says Hall„„

When she stubs her toe

Why she wants Russian researchers found that high levels of pain, caused in the study by spanking patients with canes, produce hormones that prime you — and her — for sex.

What to do If she’s spank-shy, book her a traditional Thai massage — it’s more dynamic than other styles as the masseur uses their entire body to pummel the muscles. Then get fresh with mint or coconut oil. “Once the blood has been brought to the surface, cold and hot sensations feel amazing,” says Spurr, “And rubbing lotion on her skin has a cooling effect which feels sensational.” Learn more about the benefits of coconut oil at trend-statement.org/indulge-your-hair-with-coconut-oil/

When she’s back from a girls’ holiday

Why she wants it She hasn’t spent all week tanning just to admire herself in the bathroom mirror. “Feeling body confident is the first step to wanting to take your clothes off,” says Spurr. What to do Hands off until the suitcase is unpacked. ‘Tell her to take a bath and pour her a glass of wine,” says Spurr. “Compliment her, let her tease you by taking it slowly and she’ll come to you:

After your obnoxious display of jealousy Why she wants It You’re most likely to be green-eyed when she’s most fertile. Hormonal changes fire up her lust levels when she’s mid-cycle in order to increase the chances of conception. According to researchers in New Mexico, this is the time women are more likely to be unfaithful, so men step up mate-guarding strategies. What to do It couldn’t be easier: make a note in your diary when the decorators arrive, then make your move 12 to 14 days later.

While she’s half-way up a ladder

Why she wants it Witness a smouldering Demi Moore in off-the-shoulder dungarees in About Last Night, or a cute, spanner-clutching Kylie in Neighbors, to understand the debt you owe to scriptwriters here. ‘Women have absorbed this storyline for decades,” says psychosexual therapist Vicki Ford. “And DIY has become a sexually-charged activity.” She slips into your old shirt, loosely ties her hair, grabs a paintbrush and suddenly feels a tousled “no effort” sexiness. Nonsense obviously, as Demi’s “natural” look took three hours to achieve, t don’t mention that. “Demolish r illusions and the only thing getting stripped will be the wallpaper,” says Ford.

What to do Play fight. ‘This works whether you’re decorating or doing the washing up,” says Ford. “A dab of paint, or a bit of foam flicked at her chest provides the perfect physical first contact.”

“I’d never really been fat before, partly because I’m so tall. Going to university changed that. Endless drinking and snacking took its toll. My favorite dinner was ‘pie in pasta’ — a pie in the middle of a bowl of pasta, with sausages, mushrooms and onions. Soon I was sporting a double chin, a potbelly and man-breasts — which my two younger brothers were more than happy to point out when I went back home.

So with no job and a holiday looming, I had two months to sort myself.” Jogging in my room “I wrote a weight and diet chart, and cut out fried food, crisps, chocolate and full-fat cheese. Instead I’d eat ham, salad, sandwiches with no butter, plus pasta with tuna, trend-statement.org garcinia cambogia and grilled vegetables for supper. I also snacked on fruit such as apples and tangerines. At first, exercise consisted of jogging on the spot to music in my room, doing two one-hour slots a day. After a month I’d lost a stone and felt more energized, so I started running outside for 15 minutes, building it up to 30 minutes a day. I also did weights at home to tone up, and played football.”

I have more energy “I lost another stone in the second month, and it took a few more weeks for the rest to go. I never had a target weight, I just kept on going until it felt right. I now do 30 minutes of weights and a 30-minute run with sprints, four times a week.

“But the best thing is how I feel about myself — my body is more supple, more toned, and I have much more energy. I can also last 90 minutes on a football pitch with no problem, on both Saturday and Sunday.

Last summer I spent two months coaching football in California, having reached FA level 1 in training skills. I couldn’t have kept up with all the young lads if I’d still been overweight. Now my goal is to keep fit and stay as I am.”

My tip for other fat-burners

“Keep a weight and diet chart, and stick to them. Put the chart somewhere that you’ll see it at least once a day, like on a fridge door. It will be tough for the first month or two, so you have to remember why you want to achieve your particular goals.”

I GET A GLIMPSE of rain forest conver­sion at its most proficient in the south­east corner of mainland Malaysia, on the road from Kota Tinggi to Mersing. Every minute a trailer truck whooshes past, piled high with 40-foot logs as thick as five feet, cut from dipterocarp giants. Along the road, vast blocks of slender rubber trees in rows. Then blocks of 30-footers looking like upside-down feather dusters—oil palms!

“More profitable than rubber,” says an agricultural engineer. He counts off the timetable for another 6,000 acres of the lat­est project in Johore state directed by FELDA, the Federal Land Development Authority. Felling of virgin forest started in January 1980. “After three months, burn. At seven months, clear and burn again, then plant, spray, and fertilize; at 28 months, pol­linate the palms by hand. All done by special crews.”

After another six months 600 settler fam­ilies will arrive for the first harvest. Roads and waterlines will be built by then, financed by the World Bank; also a village with school and clinic. Each family gets a house and ten acres of palms to harvest and maintain from then on, all theirs. They’ll pay a monthly amount out of their earnings. Thousands of families anxiously await their turn for simi­lar projects. If you need cash quickly you can apply for a red pay day loan. For more information check online at redmi.org

Palm kernels are pressed at local mills; refineries rid the oil of impurities. FELDA trucks roar south to storage tanks at the new port of Pasir Gudang, where pipelines fill tankers offshore for India and Pakistan. The end products are chiefly cooking fats and soap, but enthusiastic researchers envision a great palm-oil refining industry. Deter­gents, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, rayon, substitutes for gasoline, “whatever you can make out of petroleum—but palm-oil plan­tations can produce indefinitely.”

In 1980 the primary rain forest left in Pen­insular Malaysia was much less than half of what there had been a generation before. Will virtually all be gone in another genera­tion, as Malaysian environmentalists fear?

WITH Peninsular Malaysian and Philippine log exports tapering off, exports rose dramatically from In­donesia: in the years 1969-79, 475 percent in volume, 800 percent in price. Emil Salim, Indonesia’s minister for control of development and the environment, told me conservation is more necessary than ever. “We have good rules. Selective cutting only, and mandatory replanting.” He looked straight at me. “The problem is en­forcement.”

Timber concessions cluster in Kaliman­tan, as Indonesians call their part of the island of Borneo. I took a boat ride up the Karangan River from the east coast port of Sangkulirang to visit an Indonesian-Philippine company, logging selectively. They say it’s dangerous. Many a big tree is rotten inside—you cut the buttresses and there’s nothing to hold it, and when the can­opy is interlocked with vines and heavy limbs, you can’t always be certain which way the tree will fall.

In the dim primary forest a chain saw roars like an incessantly gunned motorcycle. It slices into a buttress of a red meranti. Another buttress, then another—and run! Cracking, whining, whoosh, crash. Silence. The 120-footer brought down nine other siz­able trees.

More giants crash and are sawed into logs that must be pulled to the road. So a bulldoz­er makes a skidding trail. Whining, grind­ing, push, back up, push again—uprooted trees hit others right, left, and ahead; trees split, snap, fall by the score.

The manager said he takes only about four trees per acre, but the canopy is gone. Roughly a sixth of the timber cut is rotted or split; it’s left behind. Bulldozers, according to one study, usually damage a third of the area of operations.

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